All Amazon profiles are also public, so anyone can see them. It’s not exactly social networking, more like reviewer networking, but not everybody likes writing product reviews. The likelihood of finding a lot of your non-review-writing friends on Amazon is thus pretty small. If you were trying to find me, however, it might be difficult. I have a fairly common name. If you do a search on “Donna Davis” in the People section of Amazon, you get over 400 responses. Do a Google search on my name and you get over 2 million. However….if you include the city Philadelphia in the Google search, lo and behold…my Amazon profile pops up on the first page. Clearly it’s not too hard to find my Amazon profile, provided you know where I live. Now here’s the creepy bit…my ex didn’t know where I lived.
I never told him I moved to Philadelphia. Why would I? He was past tense, old news. I did not want to have anything to do with this guy anymore. When we broke up it was not pleasant, I was extremely hurt and a lot of loose ends were left hanging. A few years later I had a personal crisis happen and I sent out a blanket email to everyone in my address book about it, forgetting that he was still in there. (He has since been deleted.) This resulted in a short-lived series of extremely tense exchanges, and I asked him to never contact me again. Another couple of years later he called and emailed me, asking when I’d said "never," did I mean forever? (whaaaa…???) This absolutely infuriated me. This was his attempt to keep me dangling on his line for who knows how long, and for who knows what reason. This guy would not give up! The last contact we had included me stating "f*** off and quit bothering me!"
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, where out of boredom one day I started Googl-ing some of my old flames, just to see what info I could find. No ulterior motive, just “I wonder if so-and-so is somewhere online.” That’s when I found his Amazon profile and me on his friends list. (By the way, there is nobody else on that list.) You may scold me and say I’d never have known if I hadn’t looked for him first, and I’d say you’re right. But, what disturbs me the most is how he did this, the devious acts behind it.
First, on Amazon, you are not notified of anyone adding you. Also, you cannot delete yourself from their profile without deleting your entire profile first - including all of your reviews, etc. Had he attempted to add me on Facebook or MySpace, I would have refused his request. He knew this. FB and MS require authorization, Amazon does not. He would have seen this loophole a mile away, and thus took advantage of it. He used the system, and added me without my knowledge, probably so he could keep me dangling on that string of his just a little while longer.
Second, how did he find me? There are over 400 Donna Davis’s on Amazon, over 2 million on Google. I never told him I’d moved to Philly, so how did he narrow it down? Did he actually go through all of the Donna Davis’s on Amazon until he found the right one? Had I told him years ago about a review I did on Amazon and he just pulled it up? Or, did he do a search on a product that he thought I liked, hoping I’d done a review of it? The effort involved in this search, which could possibly be extensive, boggles the mind.
A part of me almost admires his tenacity; he really will not give up. The other part of me is completely freaked out. Some guys just can’t take “no” for an answer.
My current boyfriend can sympathize with my situation, at least to some extent. He, too, can testify to the awkwardness of hearing from an ex through online channels. However, none of his exes have the intelligence and perseverance of this old flame of mine. It’s almost a badge of honor. Sort of like being crowned the subject of the biggest stalker you know. Eeewwwww.
UPDATE: A few months later, he must have seen this blog, as his profile is no longer on Amazon. LOL